Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. This past Monday, we learned that the problems little Phantom cat was facing were insurmountable. It turns out that she had a tumor in her sinus, which the CT scans showed had completely destroyed her right sinus and were working on her left while pushing into her eye socket.
She took a turn for the worse and was doing very poorly after we dropped her off, the vet specialist said. We could come back and take her home to the local vet for her final journey, or he could send her on her way while she was under anesthesia, and wasn't suffering.
He offered to wake her up to say goodbye to me, but I couldn't face that or put her through needless pain for my sake. I asked him to tell her she was a good girl, and he assured me he would. I got to hold her, after she was gone, still warm. I told her how sorry I was that we couldn't save her, and that we'd take her home.
She came into my life with purpose, she clawed her way up my pants leg on the day we met to insist I notice her. And now I still can't believe how hard she must have been fighting to stay so long without giving a sign that she was even in discomfort until nearly the end.
She was my gentle comforter and playful confidant, and I selfishly miss her so very, very much.
She pulled herself together to cuddle and play like we normally do on her last couple of days, and I guess that was her way of saying "Remember me like this", as she batted at toys and gloried in me singing her silly songs that were composed almost entirely of her name and compliments.
I'll have myself back together soon. But for now, I'm just checking in.